IFS is a transformative tool that conceives of every human being as a system of protective and wounded inner parts led by a core Self. We believe the mind is naturally multiple and that is a good thing. Just like members of a family, inner parts are forced from their valuable states into extreme roles within us. Self is in everyone. It can’t be damaged. It knows how to heal. 

IFS is frequently used as an evidence-based psychotherapy, helping people heal by accessing and healing their protective and wounded inner parts. IFS creates inner and outer connectedness by helping people first access their Self and, from that core, come to understand and heal their parts.  

But IFS is much more than a non-pathologizing evidence-based psychotherapy to be used in a clinical setting. It is also a way of understanding personal and intimate relationships and stepping into life with the 8 Cs: confidence, calm, compassion, courage, creativity, clarity, curiosity, and connectedness.

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This is a great article explaing how IFS came to be:

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Evolution of The Internal Family Systems Model By Dr. Richard Schwartz, Ph. D.

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Anger Management

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I really like angry people, to me there is little in this life as wonderful as helping someone struggling with intense anger get to a place of peace and seeing the transformational effect that has on their life.  I firmly believe that there is a direct correlation from the amount of anger a person is expressing to the amount of pain that anger is covering up.  By using Internal Family Systems (IFS) we will go on a journey to find the source of pain driving the Anger.  Then by using compassion, curiosity and understanding we will help to process through and bring healing to that pain which in turn frees up the persons system to no longer have to react in an angry manner.  I can speak both from personal experience and having worked with a multitude of individuals that this is a transformative experience and I can't wait to go on that journey with you.

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How Internal Family Systems (IFS) Helps with Anger Management

Anger is often misunderstood as a “problem emotion,” something to be controlled, suppressed, or avoided. But from an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, anger is not the enemy — it’s a messenger. Anger often comes from protective parts that are trying to defend us from pain, set boundaries, or alert us that something feels unsafe. Rather than eliminating anger, IFS helps individuals understand its true purpose, build a relationship with it, and transform the emotional patterns beneath it.

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IFS is one of the most effective and compassionate approaches for anger management because it goes beyond behavior change and helps heal the internal conflicts that fuel reactive anger.

Understanding Anger Through the IFS Lens

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IFS views the mind as a system of “parts,” each with its own feelings, thoughts, and motivations. Anger is typically expressed by one or more protective parts — often firefighters or managers — who step in when the system feels threatened.

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Common Parts Involved in Anger

• Anger Protectors: React quickly with irritability or rage to prevent vulnerability from being exposed.

• Managers: Attempt to control situations to avoid triggers; may become rigid or controlling when stressed.

• Firefighters: Use anger to put out emotional fires, often acting impulsively or explosively.

• Exiles: Wounded parts beneath the anger that carry shame, fear, or past trauma.

 

Anger protectors usually develop in childhood when a person learns that the world can be unsafe — emotionally, physically, or relationally. Over time, these protectors become automatic responders, stepping in before the person even realizes what’s happening.

IFS helps untangle this system so the person can respond rather than react.

 

How IFS Helps Manage and Transform Anger

 

1. Building Curiosity — Not Judgment — Toward Anger

Many people feel ashamed of their anger or fear losing control of it. IFS begins by shifting the relationship with anger from fear or criticism to curiosity.

Clients are encouraged to ask:

• What is this angry part afraid will happen if it doesn’t step in?

• What is it trying to protect me from?

• How long has it been doing this job?

This shift from judgment to understanding is the foundation of anger transformation.

 

2. Understanding the Protective Role of the Angry Part

In IFS, anger is never seen as “bad.” Instead, the angry part is doing its best to protect the system.

Protective roles might include:

• Preventing emotional vulnerability

• Creating distance from perceived threats

• Defending against rejection or humiliation

• Keeping the person from feeling old pain or trauma

• Maintaining a sense of control

When clients understand that their anger has a purpose, they feel less overwhelmed and more capable of working with it.

 

3. Accessing the Hurt or Fear Beneath the Anger

Anger is almost always a surface-level emotion. Beneath it lies something more tender — often an exile carrying:

• Hurt

• Fear

• Shame

• Loneliness

• Powerlessness

Anger steps in because it believes these vulnerable emotions are too painful or dangerous to feel.

IFS helps protective parts feel safe enough to temporarily step aside, allowing the client to gently connect with the exiled parts beneath the anger.

This is where true healing begins.

 

4. Healing and Unburdening the Underlying Wounds

Once the client, from a grounded Self-led place, witnesses the pain of the exiled part, that part can release the burdens it has been carrying.

Common burdens released include:

• Beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unsafe.”

• Emotions like shame, terror, or helplessness.

• Memories of past trauma.

As the exiled part heals, the anger protector no longer needs to be so reactive. Its job becomes easier, and it naturally softens.

 

5. Reorganizing the Internal System

As parts begin to trust the Self — the calm, compassionate core within every person — the entire internal system becomes more harmonious.

Results often include:

• More emotional control

• Reduced reactivity

• Healthier boundaries

• Clearer communication

• Increased empathy for self and others

• Greater sense of safety in relationships

Anger becomes less explosive and more appropriately assertive, helping the person express needs without harming themselves or others.

 

Why IFS Is So Effective for Anger Management

✔ It addresses the root cause, not just the symptom

Instead of trying to “control” anger, IFS helps heal the wounds that anger protects.

✔ It empowers the person

Clients learn how to work with their internal system, not override it.

✔ It transforms shame

IFS teaches that every angry part has a reason for existing — reducing guilt and self-judgment.

✔ It promotes lasting change

When wounded parts heal, angry protectors no longer need to react so intensely.

✔ It improves relationships

As internal conflict decreases, external conflict often decreases too.

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Anger is not a flaw — it is a protector doing its best to keep you safe. Internal Family Systems therapy helps people shift from reacting out of anger to responding from a grounded, compassionate Self.

By understanding the protective intention of anger, healing the wounds beneath it, and rebalancing the internal system, IFS offers a deep and lasting path to emotional freedom.

Through this gentle and powerful work, anger becomes not an enemy to control, but a teacher — guiding you toward the places within that most need compassion, attention, and healing.

 

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Addictions

Every addiction, from drugs, sex, alcohol, video games, exercise, food, ect. is driven by a desire to not feel something uncomfortable to our system. The tendency to try and avoid the uncomfortable feeling often starts at a very early age and then evolves as we grow up.  Our minds are opportunistic in the sense that when we find something that numbs the pain better, we will adapt and incorporate that new method into our day to day lives.  Once a substance or behavior has been adapted by our system as a way to numb the pain it is very difficult to extinguish by most methods.  This is where Internal Family Systems comes to the rescue!  We will work together to identify, get to know and build trust with the system of parts connected to the addiction.  From there we follow the trail internally to the "power source" (pain, hurt, fear, ect) and help process/heal it in a compassionate way.  Once that happens there is no longer a "need" to numb the pain and those parts of us are free to focus on different behaviors, greatly reducing or eradicating addictive behavior.

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How Internal Family Systems (IFS) Helps People Heal from Addictions

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Addiction is often misunderstood as a failure of willpower or a personal flaw. In reality, it is usually a complex emotional cycle shaped by trauma, unmet needs, and protective psychological strategies. Many people struggling with addiction describe feeling “out of control,” as if different parts of them are fighting for dominance. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, developed by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, provides a compassionate and effective framework for understanding and healing these inner conflicts.

Unlike approaches that focus solely on stopping the addictive behavior, IFS addresses the emotional wounds beneath the behavior. By helping people build relationships with their inner parts — including the parts driving the addiction — IFS creates lasting change from the inside out.

 

Understanding Addiction Through the IFS Lens

IFS is based on the idea that the mind is made up of multiple “parts,” each with its own thoughts, motivations, and emotions. These parts are not signs of pathology; they are normal and natural aspects of the human psyche.

When addiction is present, these parts often fall into three groups:

1. Firefighters

These parts take extreme actions to stop emotional pain as quickly as possible. Addictive behaviors often fall into this category:

• Substance use

• Binge eating

• Compulsive sex

• Gambling

• Overworking

• Dissociation

Firefighters don’t act out to cause harm. They act out because they feel the pain inside the system is unbearable.

2. Managers

Managers try to prevent emotional pain from resurfacing in the first place. They may show up as:

• Perfectionism

• Harsh self-criticism

• Control behaviors

• People-pleasing

• Hypervigilance

Managers often resent firefighters, creating inner conflict.

3. Exiles

Exiles carry the burdens of childhood trauma, shame, fear, and unworthiness. Their pain is often what the firefighters are trying to numb.

In addiction, these three groups become stuck in rigid, exhausting roles. IFS offers a way to heal this internal system rather than trying to force behaviors to stop.

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How IFS Works to Heal Addiction

1. Reducing Shame — The Starting Point for Healing

People struggling with addiction often carry immense shame. IFS reframes addiction as a protective strategy rather than a moral weakness. This reduces self-blame and opens the door to healing.

When clients realize their addictive parts are actually trying — in their own extreme way — to help them survive painful emotions, compassion begins to grow.

And compassion is what allows real change.

 

2. Building Relationships with Protective Parts

IFS encourages the client to get curious about the parts driving the addictive behavior.

Questions the therapist might guide include:

• “What is this part afraid will happen if it doesn’t use the behavior?”

• “How has it been trying to help you?”

• “What pain is it trying to protect you from?”

When these parts feel understood rather than fought against, they relax. This softening creates space for deeper healing.

 

3. Accessing the Core Pain Behind the Addiction

Addiction is rarely about the substance or behavior itself — it’s about what the person is trying to escape.

Once protective parts feel safe, they allow access to exiles: the wounded, young parts carrying old pain such as:

• Feeling unloved or unwanted

• Being abused or neglected

• Believing one is “not enough”

• Fearing abandonment

• Living with unresolved grief

IFS helps individuals connect with these exiled parts from a place of calm and compassion.

This process is gentle and never forced.

 

4. Unburdening the Wounded Parts

Once an exile is witnessed with compassion, it can release the burdens it has carried — the deep beliefs and emotions formed in childhood but still shaping adult life.

Unburdening might involve releasing:

• Shame

• Fear

• Loneliness

• Grief

• Trauma memories

As exiles heal, protective parts no longer need to work so hard to block pain — which significantly reduces the drive toward addictive behavior.

 

5. Strengthening the Self — The Key to Lasting Recovery

The Self — your calm, compassionate inner core — is central to IFS healing.

As parts begin to trust the Self to lead, the internal system reorganizes. People in recovery often report:

• More emotional resilience

• Less impulsivity

• A stronger sense of inner peace

• Reduced cravings

• Healthier coping skills

• More self-trust and self-compassion

Addiction loses its grip not because the person forces it away, but because the internal world becomes safer and more balanced.

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Why IFS Is So Effective for Addiction Recovery

✔ It addresses the root causes, not just the symptoms

Stopping the behavior alone doesn’t heal the pain that caused it. IFS helps heal the pain at its source.

✔ It works well with trauma, which is often central to addiction

IFS is considered one of the most trauma-informed therapeutic models available.

✔ It’s nonjudgmental and compassionate

This helps reduce shame — one of the greatest barriers to recovery.

✔ It empowers the client

Healing comes from within, not from external advice or pressure.

✔ It creates internal harmony

Addictive impulses decrease naturally when inner conflict decreases.

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IFS offers a pathway for people struggling with addiction to understand themselves with compassion rather than shame. By helping individuals build genuine relationships with their inner parts, IFS addresses the trauma and emotional pain that drive addictive patterns.

Instead of fighting or trying to suppress addiction, IFS helps people transform the internal world that fuels it — leading to more sustainable and profound healing.

Addiction is not a failure. It is a story of protectors doing the best they can. And through IFS, those protectors can finally rest, allowing the Self to lead with clarity, compassion, and strength.

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Anxiety

How IFS Helps with Anxiety

 

1. Unburdening the Anxious Part

In IFS, anxiety is often seen as a protective part — a manager that is trying to keep you safe, even if its methods are extreme or exhausting. For example, a part may flood you with worry in an effort to prevent failure or harm.

Rather than fighting or avoiding this part, IFS invites you to get curious about it. What is it afraid will happen if it doesn’t make you anxious? What is its job? This dialoguing process often reveals that the anxious part is trying to protect a younger, wounded exile — perhaps a part that experienced abandonment, humiliation, or danger in the past.

Once these protective parts feel heard and understood, they can begin to relax their grip. With guidance, the client can then help the exiled part release the burdens of fear or trauma it carries — a process known as unburdening.

 

2. Creating Internal Compassion

IFS helps foster compassion toward oneself, especially for those who criticize their own anxiety. Many people feel shame for being anxious, leading to a secondary layer of emotional distress.

By learning to see anxiety as just one part of a complex internal system — rather than as a personal flaw — clients often feel a new sense of acceptance and understanding. This inner shift can significantly reduce the overall intensity of anxiety.

 

3. Reducing Internal Conflict

Anxiety often results from inner conflict: one part wants to speak in public, another is terrified of embarrassment. One wants to try something new, another warns against risk. IFS helps clients map out these conflicting parts and mediate between them. Once the Self can lead with clarity and compassion, parts are more willing to relax and cooperate.

 

4. Empowering the Self

The ultimate goal in IFS is to help the Self take the lead in your internal system. When this happens, even intense emotions like anxiety can be met with calm and clarity. You begin to feel less like a victim of your emotions and more like a compassionate caretaker of your internal world.

 

A Gentle Path to Lasting Change

Unlike approaches that seek to “fix” or suppress symptoms, IFS views every part — even the anxious ones — as having value and intention. This non-pathologizing approach allows clients to build trust within themselves, leading to greater emotional stability and self-awareness.

IFS doesn't offer a quick fix, but for many, it offers something deeper: a gentle, respectful way to heal from the inside out.

Anxiety can be relentless, but it is not your enemy. Through Internal Family Systems therapy, you can learn to listen to your anxiety with curiosity instead of fear, leading to deep insight and lasting healing. By cultivating a compassionate relationship with your inner world, you may find that peace is not something you have to chase — it's something you can uncover from within.

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